I woke in the middle of the night, already in a state of agitation. I lay in bed for a short while before getting up, donning a blanket and a dressing gown, closing the bedroom door on my sleeping husband and settling on the couch to really listen to her. My body does some of her most powerful work in those dark hours.
As I sat in the quietness, waves of energy coursed through my system. Anger. She was expressing anger in powerful somatic rumblings. My felt experience was speaking unformed words of deep, deep anger.
An image came to mind – that of a boss I’d had many years ago, who had given me the message that my feelings didn’t matter and that events would unfold despite my fear and regardless of my needs. His face floated in my mind and my anger expressed herself fully. I hated that man with a passion. My body hated that man with the force of a deeply carved river of wrath, from a place of momentous collective rage. I simply listened to her wisdom and I allowed my body to express herself fully, in the dark, on the couch.
And then she spoke some more. Fierce Compassion Women.
And then, in her own time, she finished processing and I was moving back into sleepiness. I abandoned my nest on the couch and returned to the side of my beautiful dreaming man. And then I joined him in dreamworld.
I woke the next morning, and barely remembered my nighttime work. I got up, made my ritual coffee, and sat at my computer. And then she spoke some more. Fierce Compassion Women. I’d purchased the domain names some time ago, and an unconscious creative muscle had my fingers typing her name into a new Facebook page creation. Fierce Compassion Women. Not birthing her – for she was already born many, many years ago – but giving her a new space online to express herself and to connect and inspire.
It was about a lifetime, a lineage, a history and a herstory of power overpowering sensitivity, intellect discrediting intuition, proliferation abandoning the interpersonal,…
Fierce Compassion Women rises from the ashes of 2016 and holds a space into 2017 to support women in their practice of compassion – for themselves and for others – so that they can sustainably move through the world doing the sacred and vital work they do. She supports women activists (which is all women – how can we not be?), giving them permission and tools to support themselves in mind, body and spirit so that they can do their soul’s work fully nourished and skilled up.
It was only later that I connected my darktime couch work with her Facebook creation. While that one boss had catalyzed my somatic experience, the message wasn’t really about him. It was about a lifetime, a lineage, a history and a herstory of power overpowering sensitivity, intellect discrediting intuition, proliferation abandoning the interpersonal, future stepping over the present, humans climbing over humans in a greed-driven race to the top, hardness ramming through softness, fear transforming into violence, culture ignoring the need of the individual, politics sleeping with big business, finances for arms and not children, top-down structures that don’t listen, unheard voices, unseen faces. At the foundation of it all, it’s about a deep dissatisfaction over the violent robbery of the sacred individual’s birthright to specialness; the stolen opportunity for each of us to be empowered to play our vital part in the web of this human society and the systems and environment we move in.
This is totally not about men vs women. Totally. This is about preciousness, sacredness, intention, purposefulness, thoroughness and a connection with the flow of a deep river of longing to be seen and heard, that all of our psyches are being carried away by. And it is about forgiving ourselves for our part, so that we can move on.
Fierce Compassion Women: may she work tirelessly with all the other truth-speakers, holders of precious beings, teachers, rememberers, lovers of life, soul-seers, and nourishment-givers.